Why you need to be the "Cat's Pajamas" when it comes to love...
Let me first frame this up by sharing that I'm really more of a dog person, but I was born in the Midwest and I read a lot of old paperback novels as a child, so I love idioms and corny dated colloquialisms. Which explains why I came up with my "Cat's Pajamas" Theory.
Back when I was divorced and dating after over two years of countless first dates and a just few second ones, I started seeing a man that made it past the two month mark. Let's call him Kevin. Actually his name WAS Kevin but few concerns there-I really doubt he's going to be reading this blog post and his surname has been omitted to protect his privacy, so there ya go.
I really liked Kevin. He was handsome and polite and fun and had a dog that got on with mine. We were pretty much spending every weekend together for a couple of months. I started cooking meals for him and thinking about a romantic future. Truth be told I was falling for the guy.
Then, something changed. I realized we had gone to an "every other week" kind of schedule.
Hmmmn. What could this be about?
On one of the weekends we were not spending time together I called Kevin, to see what he was up to. I missed him and wasn't sure about what was going on since our schedule "change." He answered the phone and said he was "hanging out" with his friend "Christy." I didn't jump to any conclusions- but instead decided to plan a romantic weekend to solidify our connection. The sort of thing you do when you're 31 and crushing hard on a Guy that you think could be "The One." I'm sure my sisters can relate. (File this one under "things I know better than to do today")
Excited, I shared with Kevin my plans. His response left me speechless. He said "You know, Jess, I really like you a lot. But...(there was the “but”) I also really like this girl Christy so do you mind if we wait until after the holidays to plan any trips together? I want to SEE WHERE THINGS GO WITH HER. “
Excuse me? You want to SEE where things "GO" with HERRRRR?????? What in the actual hell? I was stunned.
I got very quiet and hung up the phone, partly embarrassed, partly devastated, and I called a girlfriend to cry. She said the most honest thing she could. “Jess, he’s not ready to love you. You need to hold out for someone who is.”
She was right. I allowed myself to really feel my emotions, and got MAD. Mad at him for being a cad, mad at myself for not recognizing it sooner. Feeling foolish for giving my heart to someone that wasn't really into me. And then the lesson truly revealed itself. It was MY voice this time. The voice of my higher self.
"YOU DESERVE BETTER"
I deserved someone who thought I was "The Cat's Pajamas" God damnit.
A little cliche, I know. But you get it, right?
And I needed to feel the same way about that person. I literally said this to myself out loud. And for the first time in my life, I actually believed it.
I called Kevin the next day and I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Surprisingly, he was shocked.
“But why?" He asked.
I had a very honest response that I'm still very proud of; delivered with all the courage and dignity I could muster at the time.
“BECAUSE- I want to be with someone who thinks that I'M the Cat's Pajamas." I said, pausing for effect. I really to this day have no idea if this made any sense to him.
“And also, I’ve decided not to sit around every other weekend wishing my name was Christy."
Boom. Mic drop.
I finally took a real STAND deciding to no longer settle for something that wasn’t meeting my needs. I wanted the Fairy Tale, where the Man I chose was crazy in love with me, and I, with him.
This was the beginning of my journey of self reliance, and of learning to more consistently trust my intuition and my higher self.
Three months later, I met my husband. We were engaged just after a year of dating, and married in Lake Tahoe, just the two of us, a year and a half after that. He’s still my Cat’s Pajamas fifteen years later, and I am proud to be his.
I now apply the Cat’s Pajamas Theory in other areas of my life-my coaching clients, for instance. If they don’t think I’m the Cat’s Pajamas when it comes to being their Life Coach, and I’m not equally excited about working with them and holding them through their transformation, then it just isn’t a good fit.
And I’m ok with that. I have to be. It's my very own theory. I created the rule.
The moral of the story:
Hold out to be someone’s Cat’s Pajamas. And let them be yours.
You deserve the Fairy Tale.