Stop saying you'll "try"
I stand with Yoda on this one.
“Do or do not do. There is no “try”
Zig Ziglar said it a little differently.
His version was a little more Old School.
That "in your face" kind of tough love.
He said: "T R Y I N G is L Y I N G."
(BTW I met Zig once-at a conference. He told me I was smiling so wide it look like I was eating a banana sideways-which made me smile even bigger-but I digress)
If someone tells you they are going to “try” to come to your party-it’s better you don’t get too attached to seeing their face cuz it’s about a 99.33% chance they WON’T be showing up.
I stopped saying “try” quite some time ago. My husband had called me out for responding with a drawn out “Hmmn” every time he asked me if I wanted to do something I wasn’t keen on doing. I told him I was “trying” to be polite.
It wasn’t working. What I was really being was evasive. After he called it to my attention I learned to start saying “No.”
Once I got super annoyed with a physician at a company I worked for.
He was being verbally abusive to the members of the team in one of the locations in my territory.
And I had to give him feedback.
As I recall-that day was awkward. It pretty much sucked.
At first he acted bewildered like he didn’t know what I was talking about. So I gave him an example. He still looked confused. To get my point across-I used my acting skills and ACTED OUT a few of the things I had observed.
(Oh YES! BOTH of our egos were out for a sword fight that day.)
So after my impersonation, he said he would T R Y.
He would “try” to be respectful to the people on the team.
I was PISSED.
Channeling my inner Zig Ziglar, I grabbed a magazine that was in the room and tossed it on the floor.
"Okay so now “Try" to pick up that magazine. What happens?” I asked the Doc, flexing my corporate muscles.
He gave me a blank stare.
“You either pick it up or it stays on the floor. Nothing happens when you just “try” to pick it up."
I said, staring back at him.
( I later got some “feedback” of my own for throwing that magazine on the floor in the meeting, but that’s a story for another time)
I get it. You say "try" because you are "trying" not to hurt someone's feelings or dash their hopes of you showing up to the party. That Doc copped out and said he would "try" because in saying that, he did not truly have to own the reality that he was being an asshole to his team. Learning to be definitive takes GUTS. Yet, at the same time it exemplifies INTEGRITY.
So the next time you are tempted to tell someone you’ll “TRY” as opposed to making an actual commitment or a polite and honest decline, do a check in with your integrity.
Call yourself out on your own bullshit.
And give a definitive answer.
A simple "yes" or "no" works great.
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